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My name is Coby Steel now


Published: October 12, 2016

My name is Coby Steel now.

It’s close to 2 years since I got married and you will notice that it is close to 2 years since my last blog…. The wedding was fantastic but I did nearly all the preparations myself and boy oh boy, I can see why people hire a wedding planner! Something had to give and I am afraid the blog was one of those things.

I have been reflecting on my life since I finished my taper 5 years ago. It has been a gradual transformation from complete chaos with family breakdown, trauma, death and intense stress to one of harmony, co-operation and love. I love that!

Every day I read posts on various Facebook pages describing the same kind of situation that I was in – family not believing the benzo victim, lack of money, feelings of hopelessness, despair, indescribable pain and suffering and I tell these people that as they change, their world will begin to change. It was difficult for me to see the transformation happening at the time but it did happen to me. It takes a lot of self-love, self-care, patience, perseverance, respect for our bodies and what we are going through to see ourselves through it.

Transformation doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen. In many ways I am grateful for my benzodiazepine tapering experience. The benefits are many – below are just a few points that I can think of at the moment – I am sure that there are more.

  1. I learned lots of tools to help me through the horror of inter dose withdrawal and tapering – I still use those tools to this day
  2. I am very educated about health now
  3. I’ve taken complete responsibility for my past and where I am at now
  4. I listen to my body and keep in tune with it throughout my busy day
  5. I have much stronger boundaries
  6. I’ve learned what foods suit me and which foods don’t
  7. I’ve learned to say no and to put myself first – in short, I don’t abandon myself to the demands of others
  8. I have dealt with and discarded many beliefs that I realize didn’t serve
  9. I’ve opened my heart to new people from different backgrounds and they have enriched my life enormously. I’ve gone from zero grandchildren to 7 in one year and I love them all! We have a house guest from Columbia who has been staying with us for a few months and he feels like a member of our family. And of course there is my ever increasing number of students who come from all over the world.

I wouldn’t go back to my old life for anything on earth.

I still have a long way to go. Though my health is improving it isn’t great at the moment but I will write about that in another post.

That thing is, through the bleakness of withdrawal and recovery, there is hope. There are lessons that we all need to learn and if we choose to learn those lessons we emerge much stronger and more powerful than we were before. We become confident that if we can survive a benzo withdrawal we can survive anything. Recovery gives us a new zest for life, appreciating every moment that we have. Its an awesome feeling!

 

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My husband with 5 of our grandchildren – two grandchildren hadn’t been born yet.

family pictureHere I am, loving the beach

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Two of my ESL students in an Art class that I started in my workplace

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Family and friends came to celebrate with us. Can you feel the love?

wedding-guests-after-the-ceremony

Mauricio, our house guest from Columbia.

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